August 15,2012
We both slept very well. I don't remember the nurses coming in more than twice during the night and I was expecting them every two hours at least. I was still on a liquid diet so breakfast was cream of wheat and a mystery food we later discovered was yogurt. I had never had yogurt that kept its shape! Rather strange!
Mom made it back to the hospital and Frank went home to take a shower and change. I just sat/laid around again and had more visitors. They told me I could take a shower but decided to wait until after Dr. Yost came in. He was in surgery all morning so it was after lunch (tomato soup and pudding) before he came by. He told me he wanted me out that day! I begged to stay (LOL) because insurance had approved through August 17, but he explained how my chances of infection actually were greater the longer I stayed in the hospital! Who would of thought that!
I had a few more visitors then Frank and I decided it was time to tackle the shower! Wow! What a trip! Thank goodness for the handheld sprayer! I was no help whatsoever! All I could do was hold these drainage tubes and he did the rest. If I ever questioned whether he loved me or not, he certainly proved he does with that shower. Thank God again for blessing me with such a wonderful, loving husband.
I was exhausted after the shower and getting dressed, but we managed. The nurse came in and with the help of Poppa and Lorraine, Frank and I made our way to Mom's for the night.
My Aunt Hymonda provided us a yummy dinner of brisket, sausage and potatoes. I finally got to eat and it was one of the best meals I ever remember! We had a few more visitors that evening and lots of phone calls. Frank decided to go home to sleep in our bed and get another shower in the morning.
Mom and I made our way to bed not long after he left. I slept well. Not really much pain, but I was still taking my pain medicine.
God is so good!
It is all going to be OK!
Until next time, God bless.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
The Second Part of the Journey Begins
August 14,2012
Today is the day!
(Sorry if some of this is TMI, but it is my story and I'm going to tell it the way I want!)
We got up at five and I headed to the shower, my last shower before surgery. I would never take a shower with this body in this form again. It was really starting to sink in. I was beginning to think I couldn't go through with this, but what options did I have? I had to get rid of this cancer and if I didn't do the mastectomy, it just left more fuel for the fire so to speak. I knew the option I had chosen was the right one for me, I was just scared. Why did I keep trying to take this away from God? He has it in control. I knew that, I just had to really let go this time. I put a smile on my face, got dressed and out the door we headed!
We got to the hospital a few minutes after six and Mom, and Poppa and Lorraine were there waiting for us. We hugged and talked for a little bit, then they called my name. We hugged and talked some more then Frank and I headed back to the OR.
OH I was so not ready for this!
The first thing the nurse told me was that I had to have pregnancy test. Really? Why now? Why wasn't this part of pre-op? Well it was, but my test was one day old for the anesthetist. If it was positive they wouldn't put me under and no surgery. Really? God, I really love your sense of humor, but I wasn't quite sure about this one! I hadn't had anything to drink or eat since before midnight and had already emptied my bladder before taking my shower. Seriously, where was this going to come from? Well, I managed to get just enough in the cup for the nurse and she started getting me ready for the surgery. So glad they let Frank come back there with me. I don't think I could have managed by myself. I was scared and full of nerves, but I kept telling myself that God was in control, it was going to be OK! It had to be OK.
I don't know if everyone is like this before surgery. This was my first ever and I just couldn't help it.
She got the IV in my arm on the first stick, and I never looked. I just kept eye contact with Frank and again he got me through. The nurse told Frank that she was going to give me something to make me drowsy and if he wanted to kiss me, now would be the time. She gave me the meds, Frank leaned over to kiss me, and when he stood up, I asked him who he was! He laughed, the nurse grunted. Obviously she didn't have the best sense of humor in the mornings.
I vaguely remember them putting the oxygen mask on my face and then the next thing I knew, there was a new nurse in front of me, spoon in hand full of ice chips. He was the man of my dreams at the time! He told me I was doing great and that it wouldn't be much longer before they would take me to my room, and it wasn't.
They rolled me down the hall in all my glory and into my room with Frank, Mom, Poppa and Lorraine all waiting to see me!! I think I was still pretty doped up. Mom said I tried to show everyone my incisions, even my dad!!!! Yeah! I don't remember that!!!
I can not tell you of all the flowers, goodies and visitors that started pouring into mt room!!!It looked like a florist on one side and a bakery on the other! My goodness the blessings continued to flow all around me!!
Frank decided he would stay with me the night. We got all situated and it didn't take long for us to fall asleep! It was a good day! Filled with blessings and loved ones all around me.
It's going to be OK!
Until next time, God bless!
They rolled me down the hall in all my glory and into my room with Frank, Mom, Poppa and Lorraine all waiting to see me!! I think I was still pretty doped up. Mom said I tried to show everyone my incisions, even my dad!!!! Yeah! I don't remember that!!!
I can not tell you of all the flowers, goodies and visitors that started pouring into mt room!!!It looked like a florist on one side and a bakery on the other! My goodness the blessings continued to flow all around me!!
Frank decided he would stay with me the night. We got all situated and it didn't take long for us to fall asleep! It was a good day! Filled with blessings and loved ones all around me.
It's going to be OK!
Until next time, God bless!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Almost to the End of the Beginning
Sorry I haven't posted in a few days, but it has been a whirlwind of events. I will try my best to catch you up. It is close to the end of the first part of this journey.
August 9, 2012
I had made the decision to not have the immediate reconstruction done and I had to call Dr, Yost's office to verify when my pre-op was to be done because the hospital had called the night before saying is was on Thursday and I had it down for Monday. They were right, it was on Thursday. But then the bad news - because I had decided to not have the reconstruction started at the same time, they said they might have to change my surgery date because I was scheduled in Dr, Bennett's time not Dr. Yost. I lost it. I had to leave work. I lost all composure I had and reverted to panic mode. I was thinking I couldn't go through with that part of the surgery but felt forced to so I didn't have to postpone the surgery. I didn't know what to do! Once I got home I just continued to wait for one of the surgeons to call me. It was about lunch time when Dr. Bennett called. She said the time may be in her name but it is my surgery block and I was having my surgery whether she was there or not! Praise God again! I was set to go!!
Mom picked me up to go to my pre-op and Frank met us when he got off work. He walked in at just the right time, they were taking me to x-ray and to have my blood work done. I hate having my blood drawn. He always knows how to distract me through that. We were finally done about 5:30 and he took me out to the dojo to see some of the kids I had been missing!!
It turned into a great day!
August 10, 2012
Frank went to Arlington for another Texas Rangers game with Dennis and I had planned to just spend the evening at home getting somethings ready for the next week. I received a surprise phone call from Buddy asking if I wanted to spend some time with Mattie May before my surgery! My heart just melted! How sweet! And of course I jumped at the chance to get her for awhile. I can never thank him enough!! We surprised Katie and then we had a girls night out!!
August 11, 2012
Saturday Frank was in a shoot for Habitat for Humanity and we, the girls and I, spent the day shopping and having fun. Frank and I went to the dinner Saturday night and had a blast laughing and cutting up with most of the O'Dells. I don't remember when we've laughed so hard!!
August 12, 2012
Sunday was church, family lunch, then we met with the elders for prayer over me. It was the most at peace I have felt in a long while. I love my family.
Auguast 13,2012
It was a long day at work but I made it through, upset stomach and all. I guess I had a huge case of nerves because my stomach had ached all weekend. I didn't eat much and wasn't hungry, but after work, Frank and Katie wanted to take me to dinner. We went to Olive Garden (thanks Michelle!) and had a great time. We got home and I started packing and had to take my first shower in antibacterial soap from head to toe. I had to get up at five the next morning for my second antibacterial shower and be at the hospital by six!!
Frank and I both had a hard time sleeping, but we made it through the night with a lot of laughter and a few tears. I can't imagine being on this journey with anyone other than him.
Until next time, God bless.
August 9, 2012
I had made the decision to not have the immediate reconstruction done and I had to call Dr, Yost's office to verify when my pre-op was to be done because the hospital had called the night before saying is was on Thursday and I had it down for Monday. They were right, it was on Thursday. But then the bad news - because I had decided to not have the reconstruction started at the same time, they said they might have to change my surgery date because I was scheduled in Dr, Bennett's time not Dr. Yost. I lost it. I had to leave work. I lost all composure I had and reverted to panic mode. I was thinking I couldn't go through with that part of the surgery but felt forced to so I didn't have to postpone the surgery. I didn't know what to do! Once I got home I just continued to wait for one of the surgeons to call me. It was about lunch time when Dr. Bennett called. She said the time may be in her name but it is my surgery block and I was having my surgery whether she was there or not! Praise God again! I was set to go!!
Mom picked me up to go to my pre-op and Frank met us when he got off work. He walked in at just the right time, they were taking me to x-ray and to have my blood work done. I hate having my blood drawn. He always knows how to distract me through that. We were finally done about 5:30 and he took me out to the dojo to see some of the kids I had been missing!!
It turned into a great day!
August 10, 2012
Frank went to Arlington for another Texas Rangers game with Dennis and I had planned to just spend the evening at home getting somethings ready for the next week. I received a surprise phone call from Buddy asking if I wanted to spend some time with Mattie May before my surgery! My heart just melted! How sweet! And of course I jumped at the chance to get her for awhile. I can never thank him enough!! We surprised Katie and then we had a girls night out!!
August 11, 2012
Saturday Frank was in a shoot for Habitat for Humanity and we, the girls and I, spent the day shopping and having fun. Frank and I went to the dinner Saturday night and had a blast laughing and cutting up with most of the O'Dells. I don't remember when we've laughed so hard!!
August 12, 2012
Sunday was church, family lunch, then we met with the elders for prayer over me. It was the most at peace I have felt in a long while. I love my family.
Auguast 13,2012
It was a long day at work but I made it through, upset stomach and all. I guess I had a huge case of nerves because my stomach had ached all weekend. I didn't eat much and wasn't hungry, but after work, Frank and Katie wanted to take me to dinner. We went to Olive Garden (thanks Michelle!) and had a great time. We got home and I started packing and had to take my first shower in antibacterial soap from head to toe. I had to get up at five the next morning for my second antibacterial shower and be at the hospital by six!!
Frank and I both had a hard time sleeping, but we made it through the night with a lot of laughter and a few tears. I can't imagine being on this journey with anyone other than him.
Until next time, God bless.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Dear (Name Here)
Dear Person that this letter is to, but you don't know it's about you, and probably wouldn't figure it out even if you did happen to stumble upon my blog,
I am so sorry for the inconvenience that my cancer is putting on your life. I know the adjustments you have had to make are tremendous and you shouldn't have to deal with the added stress. Again I apologize. Next time a diseased cell tries to take over my body and kill me, I will do everything possible to make sure it fits into your schedule better than it has this time.
I still can't tell you how long my recovery time will be nor what my treatment will be or how long that will take. I know this is of great concern to you because it will have such a great impact on your life. As soon as the results come back from all the test they will do after my surgery, you will most assuredly be on the top of my call list. I know you need that info to schedule the rest of your life. This disease is all about you after all, it is barely having an impact on my life.
Again, I hope you accept this sincere apology and I will try better next time I have cancer not to interfere with you.
Sincerely,
Brandi
As you my family and friends can tell, this letter is not to you. It is to the one person that will probably never read this. I can't tell the rest of you how much your love, support and words of encouragement mean to me. Thank you all so much. I can never tell you how much I love each and every one of you.
It's all going to be OK!
Until next time, God bless.
I am so sorry for the inconvenience that my cancer is putting on your life. I know the adjustments you have had to make are tremendous and you shouldn't have to deal with the added stress. Again I apologize. Next time a diseased cell tries to take over my body and kill me, I will do everything possible to make sure it fits into your schedule better than it has this time.
I still can't tell you how long my recovery time will be nor what my treatment will be or how long that will take. I know this is of great concern to you because it will have such a great impact on your life. As soon as the results come back from all the test they will do after my surgery, you will most assuredly be on the top of my call list. I know you need that info to schedule the rest of your life. This disease is all about you after all, it is barely having an impact on my life.
Again, I hope you accept this sincere apology and I will try better next time I have cancer not to interfere with you.
Sincerely,
Brandi
As you my family and friends can tell, this letter is not to you. It is to the one person that will probably never read this. I can't tell the rest of you how much your love, support and words of encouragement mean to me. Thank you all so much. I can never tell you how much I love each and every one of you.
It's all going to be OK!
Until next time, God bless.
It Doesn't Always Go My Way
August 8, 2012
Today has been another hard day. It just seems that yesterday and today, nothing has been going my way.
After finding out last week that I was not a candidate for TRAM-flap, I had chosen to go with the immediate reconstruction and implants. I was set and ready to go. Or so I thought.
I had a few questions for both surgeons and gave them both calls. I found out that I can't have saline implants, they have to be silicone. Not what I wanted to hear. It got me to thinking if I even wanted to have the reconstruction done at all. I just want this cancer out of me and right now and not to worry about anything else, but that is not possible. There are just too many decisions to be made in too short of a time. I wanted to laugh but all I could do was cry. I really needed to get home and get a hug from Frank.
He met me at the door, and even though I had my sunshades on he knew something was wrong and that I had been crying. He gave me exactly what I needed, a great big bear hug, holding me until I had gained my composure. We went back over everything both surgeons had told me, and what we thought were the pros and cons of the immediate reconstruction.
I still have not made my decision as to what I want to do, but I will. I have too before the surgery. But I have talked to Frank and Mom has made some phone calls to friends that had their mastectomies at around my age or even younger. Two ladies that chose not to have immediate reconstruction when they had their mastectomies. I feel a bit at piece tonight knowing that I can chose to have the reconstruction done later, which I knew this all along, but I had lost sight of that fact and was trying to rush things along. There is no rushing through this.
Frank's biggest concern is my self esteem after the surgery, I mean these girls have been with me since before high school. But they are not who I am. OH I will cry the first time I see them gone no doubt about that. It is going to be a major shock, of course. We know treatment could have many different side effects on top of loosing my breast. But I have never had a problem with vanity. He knows how I feel about loosing my hair. That has never been a big deal to me. Hair is hair, if I loose it, I loose it. My theory is it will grow back eventually and until it does I can rock some cute scarves and hats!
So as I go off to bed, I think I am leaning more to just having the bilateral mastectomy and leaving the reconstruction until later. Have the surgery and focus on treatment and getting healed. There is no time limit as to when I can start the reconstruction. I have so many friends and family who will love me with or without breast, just having me well and being the person I have always been. I have Katie and Mattie to get well for and they don't really care if I have breast either, as long as they have dinner every night (LOL) and a story at bedtime. And I have Frank! He is my biggest supporter of all! He loves me too for me, a healthy me that can get back in the boat and net his fish. And I have God, my faith in him tells me I will get through this. He has been and will be with me every step of the way.
This cancer is hard!
But it is all going to be OK!
Until next time, God bless.
Today has been another hard day. It just seems that yesterday and today, nothing has been going my way.
After finding out last week that I was not a candidate for TRAM-flap, I had chosen to go with the immediate reconstruction and implants. I was set and ready to go. Or so I thought.
I had a few questions for both surgeons and gave them both calls. I found out that I can't have saline implants, they have to be silicone. Not what I wanted to hear. It got me to thinking if I even wanted to have the reconstruction done at all. I just want this cancer out of me and right now and not to worry about anything else, but that is not possible. There are just too many decisions to be made in too short of a time. I wanted to laugh but all I could do was cry. I really needed to get home and get a hug from Frank.
He met me at the door, and even though I had my sunshades on he knew something was wrong and that I had been crying. He gave me exactly what I needed, a great big bear hug, holding me until I had gained my composure. We went back over everything both surgeons had told me, and what we thought were the pros and cons of the immediate reconstruction.
I still have not made my decision as to what I want to do, but I will. I have too before the surgery. But I have talked to Frank and Mom has made some phone calls to friends that had their mastectomies at around my age or even younger. Two ladies that chose not to have immediate reconstruction when they had their mastectomies. I feel a bit at piece tonight knowing that I can chose to have the reconstruction done later, which I knew this all along, but I had lost sight of that fact and was trying to rush things along. There is no rushing through this.
Frank's biggest concern is my self esteem after the surgery, I mean these girls have been with me since before high school. But they are not who I am. OH I will cry the first time I see them gone no doubt about that. It is going to be a major shock, of course. We know treatment could have many different side effects on top of loosing my breast. But I have never had a problem with vanity. He knows how I feel about loosing my hair. That has never been a big deal to me. Hair is hair, if I loose it, I loose it. My theory is it will grow back eventually and until it does I can rock some cute scarves and hats!
So as I go off to bed, I think I am leaning more to just having the bilateral mastectomy and leaving the reconstruction until later. Have the surgery and focus on treatment and getting healed. There is no time limit as to when I can start the reconstruction. I have so many friends and family who will love me with or without breast, just having me well and being the person I have always been. I have Katie and Mattie to get well for and they don't really care if I have breast either, as long as they have dinner every night (LOL) and a story at bedtime. And I have Frank! He is my biggest supporter of all! He loves me too for me, a healthy me that can get back in the boat and net his fish. And I have God, my faith in him tells me I will get through this. He has been and will be with me every step of the way.
This cancer is hard!
But it is all going to be OK!
Until next time, God bless.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Please! Remember What Thumper Said!
Please people! Cancer is hard! I have learned this in just the past week and my heart goes out to those that have had it so much longer than me! But remember in my first post when I said I was not going to be a Negative Nellie? Well I meant it. But today it has been a bit hard.
I was reminiscent of when I was pregnant with Katie. People would come up and start telling me horror stories about their second cousin twice removed's third wives mother's daughter's third pregnancy and how terrible it was! Come on people! I didn't want to hear those stories then and I don't need to hear them now!
I know what the outcome could be. I know it's not going to be a walk in the park everyday. But I really don't need to hear that right now. If you don't know what to say, a simple "I wish you the best" will suffice, I promise.
This ends my rant of the week. Now back to my regularly scheduled optimistic outlook.
It's all going to be OK!
Until next time, God bless!
Day Seven
August 6, 2012
Well, it has been seven days since I received my diagnosis. A week that has flown by. Not much happened today. Just the regular things; work, grocery store, supper and a quick shopping trip with Katie. I bought a new bracelet! It was just a nice day.
I still have a lot of thoughts running through my mind, adding questions to the list to ask the surgeons. If I don't write them down, I forget to ask. I get strange looks sometimes because I carry my note pad with me everywhere. How do I know when a question will pop in my head?!
I keep remembering more people that I haven't told and that aren't plugged into any of my networks. So I did make some phone calls today and sent a couple of emails.
I have received two cute, cuddly pillows from a survivor that I have know since my school days (I know they will get plenty of use), a woven bracelet from a new friend (woven to represent breast cancer and diabetes to which she lost her husband) and a sweet card in the mail from cousins expressing their concern. I have been so very blessed all my life and the blessing continue to fall down on me.
Thank you God for everything I have and all the caring people that will be helping get me through this journey. I couldn't ask for better family and friends.
Everything is going to be OK.
Until next time, God bless.
Well, it has been seven days since I received my diagnosis. A week that has flown by. Not much happened today. Just the regular things; work, grocery store, supper and a quick shopping trip with Katie. I bought a new bracelet! It was just a nice day.
I still have a lot of thoughts running through my mind, adding questions to the list to ask the surgeons. If I don't write them down, I forget to ask. I get strange looks sometimes because I carry my note pad with me everywhere. How do I know when a question will pop in my head?!
I keep remembering more people that I haven't told and that aren't plugged into any of my networks. So I did make some phone calls today and sent a couple of emails.
I have received two cute, cuddly pillows from a survivor that I have know since my school days (I know they will get plenty of use), a woven bracelet from a new friend (woven to represent breast cancer and diabetes to which she lost her husband) and a sweet card in the mail from cousins expressing their concern. I have been so very blessed all my life and the blessing continue to fall down on me.
Thank you God for everything I have and all the caring people that will be helping get me through this journey. I couldn't ask for better family and friends.
Everything is going to be OK.
Until next time, God bless.
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