Crackers, Soup and Gatorade

As we all know, I was sick last weekend, upset stomach, headache, chills, you know the stuff; when all combined it makes you think you are going to die. Well this morning I started feeling like I did last Friday when that all started. So like any good G.R.I.T.S. (Girl Raised In The South for those of you that are not one), I told my mom. Yes I wanted sympathy. That is exactly what I got - plus a few instructions of course because she, too, is a true G.R.I.T.S.

Instruction #1 for upset stomach - eat some soup with crackers for lunch, that will ease your stomach and you will feel much better.

Instruction #2 for headache - drink 2 cups of Gatorade, any flavor, that will ease your headache.

Ok, we all know that soup soothes the stomach. No argument from anyone there. But the Gatorade, where in the world did she come up with that one? I mean really, why didn't she just play the Mattie B. card and tell me to "put a little dab of turpentine on the back of your tongue..." and you know the rest (if you don't, watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding and replace the word Windex with turpentine and you will definitely understand).

Mom - "Well someone sent me a list of home remedies through email and that one was on there. Let me see if I can find it." and about three emails later she sends it to me with this note attached,

"I found it in my deleted file, and you are the one that sent it to me."

My first thought, "Thanks Mom for deleting an email I thought you would like."

My second thought, "Why in the world did I send this thing out?"

Really, some of the things on here are just bizarre. I mean, come on, rub your dog with Bounce if he is wet and stinky. Why don't you just leave him outside where he got that way in the first place.

Here is the list:

New Household Hints

Eliminate ear mites. All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear...Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing. Kills fleas instantly...Dawn dishwashing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas. Rainy day cure for dog odor Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh. Did You Know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers." Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles. Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria. Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-- even though the product was never been advertised for this use. Honey remedy for skin blemishes Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight. Listerine therapy for toenail fungus. Get rid of unsightly fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again. Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them. Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer .. If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly. Smart splinter remover. Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue. Hunt's tomato paste boil cure cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head. Balm for broken blisters... To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine a powerful antiseptic Vinegar to heal bruises ... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process Quaker Oats for fast pain relief. It's not for breakfast any more! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.

Just so you know, I did eat soup and crackers for lunch and I tried to drink some Gatorade. I almost gagged at the mere smell of it. It reminded me of the colonoscopy that I had earlier this year, but that is yet another story.